even angels have their wicked schemes
by lydiamartins
Summary: everybody tells elena that love is easy, that once you're with the right person, you know that they're the one for you - she wants somebody to explain to her why it's anything but easy -— stefanelena, for kaia


**hey! so i'm really sorry for posting this late - well, technically it's not late, but it's close to the last day of the month, but i was trying to watch old tvd episodes to get a feel for stefanelena; i think i'm trying to capture the easier times in s1, maybe early s2 before elena fell in love with damon and the love triangle officially began; hope you like this, kaia (a beautiful misfortune), (:**

**oh and kudos to you if you catch the writing on the picture - i sort of experimented with making a title; i think i'll do that for the gge fics, (:**

**even angels have their wicked schemes**  
stefanelena

.

She's standing on the edge of the road, just waiting.

_Yeah, I can't talk now, Caroline - Mom's already angry enough as it is, so . . . _Elena trails off uncomfortably, turning her phone off and holding it with one hand, the other arm circling around her waist; her parents, of course, would be furious with her. _This is the last straw, Elena, _she could already imagine them saying, her mother slightly firmer than her dad, who would probably give in as soon as she started crying; it was the only thing that she had learned to do, her only self-defense mechanism. Elena's phone rings once, and she ignores the call - it's Matt, and she'd rather not have this sort of conversation now.

There's the slightest bit of cacophonous sounds in the distance, something akin to a wolf howling covered up by booming music which resounds even down the street, and she instinctively shivers, wondering if it had even been the right choice to go to the party in the first place - _it's the party of the year, _Caroline had said, _you can't miss it! Plus, you're one of my best friends, and it wouldn't be the same without you there - _and there was something about Caroline that always felt as though the friendship between the two of them was nothing more than a competition that Elena had allowed herself to be pulled back into.

The silver Toyota pulls up around the corner of the Forbes' block and Elena reluctantly prepares herself for the ten-hour lecture that she's about to walk into, which will immediately follow with a three-week grounding, maybe even something worse in this scenario; ditching family night and climbing out the back window wasn't exactly something that was on equal terms with skipping eighth period. _Get in, _her mother mutters, the syllables distinct.

Jeremy's in the backseat, smiling a little too himself, and Elena resists the urge to yell at him - after all, he was the only one who knew about her escape plan. She assumes that he messed up something, maybe failed a test or two, and was using this option to cover himself up, at least until report cards were mailed home a few weeks later. _I'm sorry, _she mumbles, fidgeting with her fingers. _I'm sorry that I ditched family night. But Care and Bonnie and Matt were there too, so it wasn't as though it was at a complete stranger's party with booze and drugs—_

_Just don't talk, _her mother replies, eyes fixated upon the road, steely with a slighted glossed over glare, refusing to look back. It's the silence that makes Elena want to break down, not the thought of being separated from her best friends and boyfriend for three weeks throughout the summer holidays. _We'll talk when we get home - there's something that we need to tell you._

_Then tell me now, _Elena mumbles. _I have homework to do when I get home - finals week is coming up soon enough; Care said__ that she'd send me the study guide for chemistry, and Bonnie might come over the weekend, if I'm not grounded that is. _She holds her breath, waiting for her parents to fly into a rage, but they remain silent, keeping their eyes on the road, almost as if in a trance. _Mom? _Elena pats her mother's shoulder. No response. _Mom?_

There's a blonde figure on the road with a sadistic smile, head tilted to the side as if she can't determine the best way to kill the people in front of her, veins pulsing beneath her eyes, and Elena's father suddenly jerks the steering wheel to the side - Elena sees a face that seems to be familiar, with bright red lipstick smears on her right cheek, and the blonde figure waves tauntingly before disappearing in a flash, and then she's gone, and there's nothing but the everlasting numbness as Elena struggles to breathe. The car had been driven off the edge of the road, off of Wickery Bridge, into what appeared to be a bottomless pit of nothing; she screams for help, forgetting about preserving breath. None of that really matters anymore. It's all her fault, though. That's all she needs to remember.

.

The next time that Elena wakes up, it's in a bright white room.

Individuals flock around the room and a boy peers over her - he has a face of an angel, with a brooding expression and something classical about him stands out to her - and Elena thinks that she might be in Heaven; this situation could have been romantic until she remembers everything that happened the night previous, and lets out an ear-piercing scream, and throws off her blankets, trying to get rid of the boy's tight grip around her. _You don't understand, _Elena stutters, mumbling, really - it's quite pathetic, Caroline would have said, _my parents and my little brother, we were, we were in a car accident, so, where are they? I need to see them. _She thinks to herself, _I need to apologize._

The boy immediately leaves the room, closing the door behind him - if Elena didn't know better, she would have thought that he wasn't good with delivering bad news; just how bad was it, though? Were parents in ICU, in a coma? There couldn't be anything worse than that, there really couldn't be - and then, the realization dawns upon her, and she turns over, and buries her face into the pillows, trying to breathe. _It's not true, it's not true, it's not true, IT CAN'T BE TRUE IT JUST CAN'T THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE ON HER, THEY'RE HER PARENTS; THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, FOR HER WEDDING DAY, FOR JEREMY'S WEDDING DAY, THEY JUST CAN'T BE GONE._

She feels something sedate her, and doesn't stop thrashing violently until she slips out of consciousness. Elena goes back and forth, gasping for air in her dreams - it's the same scene, replayed over and over in her mind and the nightmares never stop.

Summer passes by in a blur _— _there are days where nothing matters at all, where Elena just lies down, buried between sheets, with pillows pressed down upon her face and nobody ventures up the creaky old staircase to check up on her; Jeremy's the one who's forced to step up, to be the man of the house, and accepts the boxes of baked goods from the families that walk by, offering their condolences - a few of her friends stop by, namely Stefan and Caroline (Matt already knows that Elena's made her decision, and decides to stay away until the start of the school year, and Bonnie practically lives at the Gilbert's - without Bonnie, Elena's not really sure how she would make it through the summer holidays), with large boxes of store-bought treats and casseroles that aren't even trying to be disguised as homemade, with the plastic shopping bags and all.

There's a ring at the doorbell, the typical _knock-knock-knock, _and then finally, a key turns into the gilded doorknob. _Hello? _Caroline's voice drifts into the house, and Elena buries her head between the pillows, not ready to have this conversation yet (she's not quite ready to do anything anymore); she'd rather just lie there, sitting and moping in self-pity and depression. _Elena, I know you're in there. _She twists off of the bed uncomfortably, and pushes her hair back, raking her dry hands with chipped fingernails (Elena thinks that she can't remember a time before fourth grade where they weren't painted cherry red), and stares at herself in the mirror. _It's only Caroline, _she tells herself, and wanders down to the bottom floor, tank top and oversized sweatpants that belonged to her dad.

It's one of the first times that she's been downstairs since the funeral - pictures of the Gilbert family hang up on the wall from family reunions and birthdays and college graduations and everything and anything in between; they always took pictures, so that the memories wouldn't fade away. Jeremy's standing by the kitchen and looks at her as though this is all her fault, storming out of the back door - Elena doesn't make a move to stop him; everybody grieves in their own different ways. Everything fades away though, eventually - words are recorded, and then lost through burning ashes, pictures fading along with the memories. _Caroline, hey, _she greets, not even trying to put on a fake smile - it's been two weeks, so she's allowed to wallow for a bit longer, she thinks; that's what the therapist had told her. _What are you __—__  
_

Caroline appears out of the corner, dragging along an unfortunate victim behind her - she thinks that she's seen him before, and Elena recognizes him from the hospital. He locks eyes with her from across the room, and stares into her eyes. _Caroline told me what happened - I'm sorry about your parents; I'm Stefan Salvatore_, he introduces himself, an air of tranquility and classical nature surrounding himself, and Elena feels as though there's something different about him, that everything is going to be alright, after all.

_Elena_, she offers a slight smile, a quick glance towards Caroline who looks a little out-of-place in the scenario, and puts on a ridiculously fake smile, white beams (as for a Colgate commercial, perhaps), as though nothing's the matter. _Were you in the hospital?_ The question comes out of her spewing mouth before she can take the word backs; Caroline gives her a quick stare, probably to tell her to shut up and stop making herself look bad in front of the new cute boy, but it's too late - she's already probably made a complete fool out of herself. Nevertheless, Elena thinks, there are more important things in the world than impressing a potential new kid, but can't help herself from correcting herself, _Uh, sorry, you don't need to answer that - I just thought that I've seen you before. __  
_

_People say that, _he shrugs, ignoring her question. _I'm just that type of person. _Stefan Salvatore stares at her for a minute, his warm green eyes piercing her heart, and she blinks, rapidly, trying to ignore the way that she quickly looks down, then back at Caroline, who looks extremely uncomfortable in this situation, with the slightest bit of envy melted into her face.

_Y'know, what, Stefan? You said that you wanted a tour of this town - I think that I'll show you around, maybe even Mystic Grill; Matt and Bonnie are going to be there - they're pretty friendly, so, you'll fit in just right, with the rest of us. _Caroline quickly drags Stefan away, who quickly remarks, _it was nice meeting you, Elena, _and she nods back, slowly, trying to ignore the smile that creeps up around the corners of her mouth.

.

Stefan Salvatore slips into her life without knowing it.

It's a combination of the late-night calls, where they just talk about anything and everything - he has brother issues too, apparently, a brother who he hasn't seen in what he swears has been forever, and Stefan even admits that he was the one who had instigated the fight between them; she tells him about Matt and first loves and how she isn't the same girl that she used to be, and that it might be for the best, and he tells her, _I like you, Elena, any way that you are, _in a way that's both sweet and a little too sweet for somebody who's supposed to be just her friend.

Their first kiss is awkward and sloppy - she's worrying too much about whether her breath smells like onions, and he's more experienced than her, of course (she can just tell by the way that the other girls in school look at the new kid, star of the football team, savior of anything with a pulse - he's the hero of the show), but there's something real between them, so Elena holds onto it with everything that she has.

.

She meets the older brother on a Sunday morning, quite by accident, of course (isn't that the way things go wrong in her life, always by accident).

Elena taps her fingers, thinking before tapping the knock-knock-knock and repeating until the door smoothly glides open - she's never been to the Salvatore's house before, but Care had always told her that it was like a mystery, ancient things and sculptures that probably belonged in some sort of museum in London. There's a buzz at her cellphone, and she ignores it, stepping blinding into the mansion. _Hello, _she calls out. _Stefan, are you there?_

There's a flash of white light in the far distance, and the flapping wings of a crow that fly in from the left side - she distinctively smells a herb, similar to the charm on her bracelet that's supposed to ward off evil, vervain (lavender plants, which grow inside of cellars and hidden closets around town, occasionally dropped into unsuspecting people's glasses of water and soda drinks at the school cafeteria) - and suddenly, a figure appears behind her. Elena freezes, turning her head around slowly, and gulps, gazing up at a face that she's only seen in pictures. _You must be Damon, _she allows herself to muster out, taking a step back - the proximity with another person, one who Bonnie swears smells like death, does dizzying things to her head, as though her conscience knows that this person is wrong.

_Elena . . . right? Stefan's out on a hunting trip, but he'll back in a bit. You're welcome to wait for a bit, if you'd like. _

_Uh, no, it's fine - just tell Stefan that I stopped by. _She leaves quickly, almost running as soon as the front door of the mansion is closed, always feeling as though Damon's eyes are still glaring at the back of her.

Everything with Damon goes by with a blur - he's reckless, and dangerous, and everybody in the world probably thinks that he's a monster, but Elena knows better; Stefan's not the only one who lost his first true love, Damon lost Katherine too. He just thinks that he doesn't deserve anything good because of the mistakes that he's made in the past, so that every time he gets a chance to redeem himself, Damon gets scared and ruins it, time and time again.

She wills herself not to hate him, because Elena's life is turning into one of those clichéd television series where hate turns into love, and she can't see herself falling in love with somebody like Damon Salvatore, not unless she changes herself (she doesn't want to change - in this life, change is never for the best, at least not for her). Damon's an easy enough person to hate - his ice blue eyes have a cold exterior and hidden warmth underneath, and he's snapped Jeremy's neck at least twice over the past two weeks, threatened to kill her friends several times, but she's seen the kindness underneath, and there's something about the allure of darkness that draws her to him. _How can you be so arrogant and happy, pretending as though everything's back to the way it's always been, after everything you've done? You snapped my little brother's neck, and don't even get me started about all the people who you've drained since you moved to Mystic Falls just because you were hungry._

_And how can you be so stupid to defend your little human friends when you know what I'm capable of - as a Salvatore, as a vampire who's not exactly rusty about killing people in the blink of an eye? _Damon replies, taunting her. The two of them are standing in the foyer of the Salvatore mansion, in front of the fireplace, and Elena feels the urge to slap him because he's still so arrogant and cocky, and he's just a heartless monster who doesn't feel anything human. There's nothing noble in him, not anymore - she was mistaken before, trying to take the high road and think that there's good in everybody. Not in Damon Salvatore, she thinks. Not in him.

(But then, she's changing in the meantime, and suddenly, Elena's just like Damon, in the aftermath of destruction, blood dripping from her mouth.)

.

She's sitting with Caroline and Bonnie two weeks before Senior Prom when everything goes wrong.

_So, prom,_ Caroline murmurs, brushing down the pita chip crumbs that collect on the white bedsheets, stained a little on the fraying edges. _I thought that we could go together - as friends, for old times' sake. _

_I like that idea, _Bonnie joins in, smiling_. I mean, I remember when we were younger, we all had these scrapbooks about senior prom, about who we could go with - I remember that I wanted to go with Ben Chadwick, if he ever actually got held back a year and ended up in our grade. _She pulls out scrapbooks from a stashed away bag inside of her duffel bag, her dark brown eyes gleaming underneath the bedroom's bright lights.

The words go unspoken that the only reason why they're going together, as a team, is because the people that they want to go with aren't . . . they aren't exactly there at the moment - Elena and Caroline have been at a standstill at their latest argument, but even she knows that there's something going on with Tyler's sire bond with Klaus, and Jeremy's sort of undead at the moment (Bonnie says that he's alive, but isn't really there, not just yet, in a tone that's somewhat reassuring and somewhat frightening, because something can always go wrong, Elena knows). _I can't believe that you have those old things, _Elena laughs. _I remember, we made these at the end of seventh grade, before formal. But uh, I think that I'm going with Damon Salvatore. _She lets the last few words come out in a rush, waiting for a reaction.

Caroline and Bonnie stare back at her blankly, Caroline letting out a small _what the hell is wrong with you - Stefan's in love with you, can't you see that _before sighing, and turning away, _You know what, Elena, this isn't my problem. Do what you like, fall in love with whoever you want to, but deep down, you know that Stefan is the better, safer choice - you can depend on him._

_You don't need to be like this, Elena, _Bonnie says in a hurt voice that will always make everybody listen to her. _You don't need to do this alone._

Caroline interjects, suddenly bold, _You're not the only one that's lost a parent or two or siblings or several of them, or maybe all of your friends ever since the Salvatores moved back into town, because there's no denying that they're the ones who brought all of this about. It's the truth of the matter, and one of these days, you're going to have to accept that you might not have a family anymore, but you have friends - we have each other. _The two of them exit, faces suddenly more grim, and Elena wonders when everything had become her fault.

.

She's sort of sick and tired of being the last to know everything - _that's how Jeremy feels, too,_ a voice inside her head tells her; Elena chooses to ignore it - because there's nothing worse than the feeling of never belonging to the group, simply because you're actually not that useful anymore.

(_Elena, sweetie, now that the Salvatore threesome thing is over, you can just stay at home and go to school. You would like that, wouldn't you? Going to school with your other friends, graduate and go to college; go, pretend to live a happy, normal human life while you still can,_ says Rebekah, her tone anything but understanding, though tinges of envy stay, partially concealed) and (_I'm just trying to protect you, Elena - Bonnie can put a protection spell up, and you'll be safe back at the house. It's for your own safety, really.)_

Two years ago, she might have replied, _which doesn't mean anything if you're not safe,_ too, but two years ago, she wasn't a had been her dream, y'know, to fall in love and have a wedding with all of her friends and family (in this dream, her parents would still be alive, and they would be her adoptive parents, not the biological ones that she's grown to distrust), be a writer in one of those broadcasting shows, grow old with somebody, have children? It was a whimsical dream - none of that can happen, now.

Instead, she'll watch from the sidelines as Bonnie and Matt and Jeremy have families of their own, grow old, retire (they can't retire, they just can't, because then comes death, and it was already horrible enough the first time, and everybody around her just starts dying, and Elena wonders if she's next.

_Aren't you going to school?_ Bonnie murmurs, later that day, when the Original family has left the premises, reassuringly. _I think that Caroline's going too - if you don't go to school today, you know that you can't go to senior prom._

Elena stays buried in between sheets, staring up at the white ceiling, plain expression plastered upon her facial features. _I'm not going to school, Bonnie - I just can't do_ _it_. She can't watch all of her classmates, pretending as though just like them, this is one of the most important nights of her life - her life seems more like a circus show than anything (one mistake, and then she'll fall), and Elena's sort of tired of pretending that everything's okay, and wonders when she even started.

Bonnie nods, slowly, and tells Elena that she'll help her take her mind off things. _Silas_ _taught me a few things_, she murmurs, getting up and closing all the windows; Bonnie takes a few pillows, and empties them of their inner feathers, slowly raising her head above them, muttering perhaps an incantation under her breath. One of them raises slowly - she releases a puff of breath, and the feathers rise to the ceiling, transforming into the shape of a bird with wings, which flaps its wings in a stationary place for a few seconds, and then falls to the mattress.

.

It turns out that Elena Gilbert can't be trusted to stay at home alone, not even with the fact that she's a vampire that can defend herself and the protection spell that Bonnie had enforced (keeping others out, keeping Elena in).

She sprawls herself out across the burnt sienna red coach, her head tilted upwards towards the kitchen, slightly smiling. It's like a sense of deja-vu that runs through her mind; Elena's been in the same place before, watching Stefan cut up some vegetables in the kitchen, but that was in the past, before everything got so complicated - black-and-white memories flash at her out of the corner of her eye, and she ignore the searing pain in the back of her mind.

_Not everything about being a vampire is so glamorous, _Caroline had said smugly, not the baby vampire anymore. _Heightened senses just means that you're even more confused about your identity - you'll have the overwhelming urge to plunge your teeth into humans, so might as well avoid school until you learn how to train yourself, but you'll be fine, in no time. _

_Do you want a bite? _Stefan asks, and Elena has to resist of thinking of the blood bags in the Salvatore's basement - they're dangerous, and she's seen what they've done to people, turning them into ruthless monster without hearts - and remembers that Stefan's going to take her out to the Woods tomorrow, to teach her how to learn to feed on animals (animal blood is always the safer path to go on, apparently). She nods, and perches herself upon one of the twisted stools, and munches on the bite of spaghetti that she used to love only three months back, and stops herself from throwing up a little in her mouth, puke mixing with metallic blood. _Yeah, uh, you can spit it out, now. You don't need to pretend._

She's switched tastes (from spaghetti to pasta, from brother to brother), and Elena knows that this is the wrong thing to do - to lead one of the Salvatore brothers on, and then periodically shift when she's feeling like it - it's the wrong thing to do, and it seems as though the fact just realizes in her head after the millions of times that Care had told her to get a grip over herself and choose one (preferably Stefan, in Caroline's mind, but still) - and sets down her fork. _I can't do this . . . not anymore,_ she says slowly, averting her gaze.

He nods, slowly and reluctantly,_ I know. It's Damon, isn't it?_ Elena thinks about how forty-eight hours ago, the two of them had talked about a future; Stefan's still the boy that she fell in love with, but she's not the girl that he fell in love with - she hasn't been that girl for a while now.

_It's not Damon, it's me - I've changed. Being a vampire changed me - there's nothing more than I would like than to be than a human again. _It's not a lie, not at all; but, she can't be a human. There isn't any cure for vampirism - they've tried for hundreds of years, and that would be relying on miracle. Elena's learned to stop doing that and accepting that life can only get worse.

_We've learned of a . . . new mechanism, Stefan_ murmurs, his tone growing darker. Elena prods him on, nodding - he's keeping something from her, she knows that much. _Bekah found a cure. Katherine has it, but we're leaving tomorrow to get it back. Damon doesn't want you to get hurt, but you can come, if you want. After all, you might as well take the Cure as soon as possible._

Elena smiles up at Stefan, and thinks that this is the Stefan that she knows - the one that puts her interests first even if they aren't the smartest decisions. _I'd like that, _she says_. I'd really like that._

.

People look at her differently, these days - it was different, with Stefan.

Girls would look at her in the hallways, murmuring about how they wanted to be her - she wasn't sure why they would want to be messed up with fatal flaws and the constant numbing of fact of _I don't know, I just don't know now - _and boys looked at her as though she was suddenly attainable, attractive; being with Stefan, it brought popularity - the good kind where people would actually be partners with her in history, and if they wouldn't, Stefan always managed to change around his schedule so that they could be in all the same classes before. She's never had to worry if he was going to turn on her, kill her - he could do it an instant, that much she knew; Elena had seen Ripper Stefan enough times to know what he was capable of - but they were in love.

Damon's unpredictable - he acts without thinking, going purely based on _what feels right _and it's not really enough, because she'll always be comparing her, in the depths of her mind, at the pit of her heart, to Stefan - and reckless and everything that a normal vampire should end up being. He has flaws - he's killed people in the past, tons of them, he's almost killed her a few times (not on purpose, she hopes) - but then again, she's not exactly perfect either; Elena's killed, she's drained her classmates until they were white, pale shells, lying upon the floor, their necks snapped and gashing marks upon their neck, the blood spilling from her own mouth, falling onto her white dress - it stained, it plagued her mind, and it never would go away.

_You'll get used to it, _Damon tells her on a Sunday morning - the two of them are in the Woods, training, apparently; Klaus is back, worse than ever, and even his penchant for being swayed easily by Caroline can't delay his attacks for much longer. _It took me 'bout a hundred years, but it'll take you less than that, _he smiles, a rarity.

_And why's that? _She replies, arching an eyebrow, her tone amicable; Elena falls into pace with his longer steps, and feels as though she doesn't deserve this happiness - Damon's not the bad of a guy, after all - when everything that she's ever done in her life is wrong - _wrongwrongwrong_.

Damon looks back, his blue eyes piercing her, _Because you have me. _

And, she does have him - she has Damon and Stefan and all of her friends who'll never leave her side, no matter what she does; Elena shouldn't be complaining about anything, because it's not right. There are people out there who don't have families, who don't have anybody to love them and it's not their fault; there are children who live on the streets and are forced to sell their souls and make deals to the devil, merely to survive, while she perches herself in the middle of Mystic Falls and complains about how she has to make a choice between two boys.

Everybody always tells her that love is easy.

That once you're with the right person, it's the easiest thing in the world to just know that you're in love with them, so she wants somebody to explain to her why it's not easy - because she's in love with two people in the same time, and maybe it's just her messed up vampire senses, but the Salvatore brothers are two very separate entities, which together, have all the qualities that Elena could ever fall in love with - Stefan's sweet and he supports her even when he doesn't agree with her, and Damon's kind and he's always there for her when she needs him; Stefan was her first love, but things changed.

More specifically, _she _changed - into a vampire. She'd like nothing more than to be the girl whose biggest problem was whether or not her parents were going to ground her or when somebody would figure out that she was pretending to still be in love with Matt Donovan.

She'd give anything to be a child again - but she can't, and that's the biggest problem. Elena thinks that she lives life as though she's the star of the circus show, and everybody else surrounds her, and she knows that she can't do that anymore; a choice has to be made, sooner or later; no matter how much Caroline's words (_Elena, you're going to be the prettiest girl at the dance, but you're also going to be the cruelest, holding two hearts in your hand; one of them's going to break by the end of the night, and you know that) _hurt, they're true, and Elena already knows that she's made the choice.

At the end of the night, she stands between the Salvatore brothers - the boy who will always protect her and the boy who will always do what's best for Elena, whether she likes it or not - and walks to the left. To Stefan, the safer choice.

(After all, Elena thinks that she's had enough risks in one lifetime.)

.

**influenced by** _both of us_ by taylor swift, _love the way you lie part ii_ by rihanna, _wherever you will go _by charlene soraia, and _swallowed in the sea_ by coldplay,** (: this probably should have been lengthened a bit instead of awkward short snippets but um any comments on the 5x11 klaroline development? btw, finals are over, so i'll try to write more oneshots instead of going on hiatus's!**

**thanks to amelia for beta-reading this, (: leave a review, if you'd like?**


End file.
